you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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