you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
