I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
