Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
