honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
