dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
