tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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