someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
