I am puke
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
