YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
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