FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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