Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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