So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my phone needs a breathalizer
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize