Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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