I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
