Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
