I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
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I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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