even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
