um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
