i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
