remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
