well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
