Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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