Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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