god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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