i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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