It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
