Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
