the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
