I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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