So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
