dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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