He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
