And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
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Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
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They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
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