I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
