he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
