Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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