Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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