You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
