a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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