I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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