Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
