I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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