Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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