I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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