i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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