Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
