Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
