She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
