It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
