be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
