he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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