please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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