dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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