I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
