can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
