Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
