I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
