I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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