I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
