Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
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I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
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Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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