Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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