He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hippo gnu deer
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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