I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
