Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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