I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
