My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
