I'm so fucking centered right now
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
