I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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