Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
