Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
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Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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