so that wasnt chicken after all
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
