my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
